"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
