Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
