My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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