You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
