she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
home. puking in laundry basket.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
