Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
is wine microwaveable?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
