Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
