if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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