Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize