I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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