Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
