We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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