rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
