I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
