Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
