"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
