dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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