i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
