god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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