If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
