I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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