nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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