If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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