this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
