she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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