..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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