Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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