God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
