I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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