There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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