I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
