Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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