My friends, they love my intelligence
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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