I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
