Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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