I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
