it was like eating out sand paper
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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