I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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