The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
