walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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