The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
