Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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