My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
