remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
