watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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