and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drunk is not a location!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize