Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
