the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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