It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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