I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
