I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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