You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
