I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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