I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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