Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
