Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
