just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
