He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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