So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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