were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize