My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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